Who would have thought? I guess no one did, and that’s the point. Where would the fun be with another unexpected review, if it wasn’t unexpected? This time, I took a deep dive and tried out some canned coconut milk. Being a big fan of milk, I thought it wise to try out how I would’ve survived should I some day decide to move to the deep jungles of Africa.
Step 1: shake the can. And shake it well. Remember: this is milk. Had you left a can of ordinary milk in the sun for a few months, would you not have shaken it before drinking?
Step 2: open the can, if you can (horrible pun intended). A pair of scissors will do, or even a half pair. Or a pair of socks paired with a sharp knife. Even a sharks teeth will do. I used a can opener however, my first name not being Outback and the last not being Jack and all.
Step 3: pour the spiritual drink into something a bit more comfortable. A glass will do. The thing with the can is that, even though it’s opened like a can of coke, they never thought anyone would drink it like a can of coke. So watch out: sharp edges ahead. They will make your lips bleed, and bleeding lips not only gives you rabies, but will also turn the milk all red and dandy. And in this context, dandy is not a good thing.
So far so good eh? Well, it gets worse.
I’m used to shaking all sorta things, and in all kinds of weird places. But I guess it just didn’t work out this time. “Oh well, half the nut is stuck in the can”, I thought, “but the milk is still in the glass”. Despite using a cocktail glass valued at one buck, there is nothing but the milk in it. Time to try it out…
First reaction: ugh! this sucks!
So, I did what I always do when I want that little extra from my milk. Mixed in a couple spoons of O’Boy (that’s chocolate). It made it all look like Michael Jacksons face, but I’m not a kid anymore, so I took a sip…
First reaction: ugh! this sucks even more!
Coconut milk receives a terrible rating of approximately minus 2!